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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A05326	A helpe to discourse. Or, A miscelany of merriment Consisting of wittie, philosophical and astronomicall questions and answers. As also, of epigrams, epitaphs, riddles, and iests. Together with the countrymans counsellour, next his yearely oracle or prognostication to consult with. Contayning diuers necessary rules and obseruations of much vse and consequence being knowne. By W.B. and E.P.	Basse, William, d. ca. 1653, attributed name.; Phillips, Edward, 1630-1696?, attributed name.; Pond, Edward, d. 1629, attributed name.	1619 (1619)	STC 1547; ESTC S117185	70,959	300

●nd the Fox take her and yet they sparde her me But once the Priest and she is gone Iest. 7. A certaine boysterous Rusticke yet prompt and conceited trauelling on the way with a long pike staffe on his necke was suddenly and furiously assalted by a great Mastiffe which came vpon him with opē mouth violence as if hee would at once deuoure him who presently to withstand the danger by rescue of himselfe runs the pike and sharpe end thereof into his throte whereupon he presently dyed which the owner thereof seeing comes earnestly vnto him and betweene threatning and chiding asked him why hee stro●ke him not rather with the blunt end of the staffe why Sir quoth hee because your dogge ranne not at mee with his tayle Iest. 8. A certaine vaine glorious Souldier bragged in all places that he came of 9. Kings that hee had of his kindred and going about to name them could reckon but sixe a Player standing by told him he knew the rest The three Kings of Colleyne Iest. 9. A certaine Astronomer had deuined of king Henrie the seuenth of England that he should dye in such a yeare the king hearing of it sent for him and questioned if he were an Astronomer who told him that he did professe that art the king asked him if he could foretell where he should bee in the Easter-holy dayes he answered be could not then quoth the king thou shalt see mee diuine more certainly for I tell thee thou shalt bee in prison whither hee Iest. 9. One asked a prostitute Ladie of Florence how her children so likely resembled her husband shee so vsually commersing with others Andswered I suffer no other to Board my ship before her carriage be full Iest. 10. One asked a Painter why seeing he could draw such excellent proportions he begot such deformed children who answered In tenebris quidem fingo sed in die pingo I make the one in the light and the other in the darke Iest. 11. A certaine conceited traueller beeing at a Banquet there chanced a Flye to fall into his cup which hee being to drinke tooke out for himselfe and afterwards put it in againe for his fellow being demanded his reason answered that for his owne part he affected them not but it might be some other did There is extant to this Iest an Epigram of Sir Thomas Mores which I haue here inserted Muscas ê Cratere tulit Conuina priusqu● Ipse bibit reàdit rursus vt ipse bibit Addidit causam muscas ego non am● dixit Sed tamenè vobis nes●io nunquis amat Thus Englished Out of his glasse one tooke a Flie In earnest or in iest I cannot tell but hauing drunke Return'd it to the rest And for he would offencelesse seeme He shewed his reason too Although I loue them not my selfe It may be some here doe Iest. 12. One asking a merry blinde man in what place he lost his eyes answered from either side his Nose So likewise Diogines beeing at dinner with a bald man thus sayde honest friend I will not speake thy contumely but commend thy haires that flew from so bad a head Iest. 13. It is reported of one Iames de Castello a Bononian a man of eminent knowledge and learning but exceeding little stature sent an Embassadour to Pope Boniface the eight insomuch that deliuering his Embassage the Pope imagining that hee kneeled on his knees made vnto him long action with his hands that hee should rise vp vntill one of his Cardinals gaue him to vnderstand that he was another Zacheus Iests A certaine fellow condemned and at the place of execution began to disputeth with iudge by what conscience he could hang him a poore thiefe and no malefactor who asked him by what conscience he could take from another that was not his and thus the controuersie began and continued till at last the hangman turnes him off and so ends the strife A CONCLVSION TO this book in way of answer to him that demanded what was the perfect vse of Bookes A. To increase knowledge confirme iudgement compare the times past with the present and draw vse out of both for the future to bring foorth the dead speaking and conferring their knowledge to the liuing according as the Poet to this purpose wittily writeth O blessed letters that combine in one All ages past and make one liue with all By you we doe conferre with who are gone And the dead liuing vnto counsell call c Bookes the most sweet commendable and delectable houshold stuffein the world the most free and trustie reprouers for Nullus amicus magis liber quam Those dead yet liuing companions those regular obsequies that speake not but when they are desired and no longer then they are contentiue from their Treasurie what continuall Physicke hath the World receiued to purge out the dulnesse of naturall capacitie and the very Image of death as the Poet stiles it Nam sine doctrina vita est quasi mortis Imago Yet from this sweet and excellent society what a part of the world are exempted and liue in darknesse Therefore thou which enioyst the vse thereof and art conuersant in their Councels be more in goodnesse as thou art in knowledge and then this conclusion shall well befit thee thy house and thy houshold-stuffe Conclusion Tum foelix domus est tum numerosa supplex Cum pius est Dominus bene parta domus Englished Happy the house the goods whereof excell When the owner 's Godly and those gotten well FINIS THE COVNTRY-MANS COVNSELLOR OR Necessary addition to his yearely oracle or Prognostication Calculated by Art as a Tutor for their helpe that otherwise buy more than they vnderstand Beginning with this yeare of our Lord God 1619. And so continuing forward as the Benefite and Vse shall incourage With many other necessary Rule● and Obseruations of much profit and vse being knowne By E.P. Philomathem LONDON Printed by Bern. Alsop for Leonard Becket and are to bee sold at his shop in the Temple neere the Church 1619. TO THE BVYERS yearely of Almanackes and Prognostications Prefatio siue Admonitio pia vtilie THou whose short span of life as plaine appeares Hangs but vpon the wast of some few years Which that Arithmetician best of men Cast but in his account threescore and ten How soone they will determine digge thy graue Thou maist obserue that seest what wings they haue How with no sound they wheele their times about Eating with silence Liues and Leases out As here 's a date but yesterday renude Nor more it seemes yet doth a yeare conclude In which that Dayry of little cost Is now runne out and that small value lost Wherewith t' was purchasd if thou not extend Thy thoughts to make it thus farre forth thy friend That euery yeare thy Almanacke thou buyest Thou art one yeare nearer to the yeare thou dyest And from that meditation so prepare Thy lise that death neere seize thee vnawares

layes hold vpon Christs mercies and euen whilest it is called to day and hee may bee found that bore all our infirmities vpon his crosse O Lord saith S. Bernard I may walke about the heauen and the earth the sea and the dry land but I shal find thee no where so soon as on the crosse there thou feedst there thou sleepst c. And as he further addeth so may euery sinner in this kind concerning his vnworthinesse and his sinnes either to seeke or finde him Non sum laeta seges lolium sum treste sedero Me tamen in messem collige Christe tuam English No fruitfull field am I no blessed wheate But cursed Cockle to weede out not eate Yet though I am this out cast lost sold To sinne yet Lord reduce me to thy fold Q. VVhat is the carelesse liuer compared vnto and most fitly A. To him that seeing his face in the glasse goes away and either forgets his deformitie or cares not to amend it A good and short rule to meditate Quid sis quid fueris quid eris semper meditaris Alwayes meditate what thou art what thou wast what thou shalt be The yong mans question to the old man concerning life and what it is to liue Dic venerande senex humanum viuere quid sit The old man answereth Principium vitae dolor est dolor exitus nigens Sic medium dolor est viuere quis cupiat English The beginning of mans life is griefe and misery the end of it griefe and misery and the middle noting but griefe and misery which conioynes both the middle and end and makes one compleate masse of sorrow of all of which we may say as one saith VVhat ioy to liue on earth is found VVhere griefe and cares do still abound And therefore the more firmely to fixe this exhortation againe he sayth yong men heare me an old man that beeing a yong man heard old men and haue both by relation and experience found the truth hereof Q. What sinne is that which by making Q. What sin is that which by making others contemptible in a mans own eyes makes his owner contemptible in the eyes of God A. Pride a sin so much beaten against by the learned of all ages that it is admired how it hath preserued a life so flourishing to these times of ours A Pythy aenigma whereof to that purpose is here infixed O SVPER Be Mors SVPER Te Cur SVPER Bis Deus SVPER Nos Negat SVPER Bis vitam SVPER nam Englished O proud man Death is aboue thee Why wilt thou be proud Seeing God aboue vs Denies to the proud The life aboue Further motiues for humility If these deiect thee not then consider a little further with me whither thy life will leade thee which is to death and whither death will carry thee but to iudgement But before we come to speake of the iudgment let vs a little consider death Mors antror sū retror sū considerata Death considered backwards and forwards Mors solet innumeris morbis abrūpere vita M Omnia mors rostro deuorat ipsa fu O Rex princeps sapiēs seruus stultus miser aege R Sis quicunque belis paluis et vmbra eris S Englished The many sorrows that are heirs to breath And twins adioyn'd to it are freed by death With whose impartial sith the wise the iust Princes kings are al mowed down to dust Q. What is there concerning the last iudgement Iudicabit iudices iudex genera lis Ibi nihil proderit dignitas papa lis Siue sit episcopus siue Cardina lis Reus condēnabitur nee dicetur qua lis Ibi nihil proderit multa allega re Neque accipere neque replica re Nee ad Apostolicam sedem appella re Reus condemnabitur bene sciens qua re Cogitate miseri qui qualis es t is Quid in hoc iuditio dicere potes tis Quo nec erit codici locus nec diges t is Christus Iudex Demō actor reustes t is Englished Before this Iudge all Iudges must appeare Despight their greatnesse dignitie or place For to be iudgd as they haue iudged here VVhere feare nor friendship Iustice shall out face Excuses there to alledge will but vaine As to appeale vnto the sea of Rome For there the guiltie though he much doe fame Shall not peruert his iustice nor his doome VVeigh then must wretched man thine estate How in this iudgement thou-maist stand vpright Where shall no booke be opened to relate But euen the conscience shall it selfe indight Q. What shall be the last words that shal be spoken in this world A. Come ye blessed Go ye cursed c. Aspera vox ite sed vox benedicta venite Ite malis vox est apta venite bonis Frō which bitter word I pray with S. Bern. Deliuer me O Lord in that day Q. What language according to the coniectures of some learned shall we speake in the world to come A. The Hebrew a language that Christ himself spake in this world and the most ancient most sacred of all other and which was not changed at the confusion of Babel the next wherto is the Greeke as most rich then the Latin most copious Q. Which of al the Psalmes of Dauid is the longest and which the shortest A. The shortest is the 117. the longest the 119. the one cōsisting of 175. ver reckonning 4. lines where the meeter ends to a verse as the other of 2. stanzes Q. Which of all the Psalmes of Dauid is the most mournfull compassionate A. The Psalme 77. Q. What Psalme is that the wicked nay the verie diuels themselues according as Athanasius writeth tremble and quake to heare reade or recited A. 68. Psalme Let God arise and see his enemies scattered How many Innes or lodging did the Son of God vse in this world Prima domus Christi fuit alnus virginis almae Altera praesepe cruxtertia quarta sepulchrum Englished Our Sauiours first house was the Virgins wombe Second his stall third crosse and fourth his tombe testifieth vnto another that it waxeth olde as doth a Garment or the birth of a woman and experience it selfe findes that both in the fruitfulnesse strength and operation of hearbes plants and vetigables the defect and decay whereof is dayly seene and the lessening of the operation and virtue most sensibly perceiued in the languishing dolor of many incurable diseases Q. Wherefore doe the Iewes breake the glasse in which the bride and bridegroome drinke A. To admonish them that all things are transitorie and brittle as that glasse and therefore they must bee moderate in their pleasures Q. Wherefore haue all Iewes a ranke smell or savour A. Some thinke because they are of a bad digestiō others think because they vse not labour nor exercise but liue by vsury some think the wrath of God vpon them the immediate cause howsoeuer they haue bin a people strangly dispersed ouer the face

and cranies of the earth and violently rushing out and the earth suddenly closing vp againe causeth the shaking or earthquake which is generally a fore-runner of warre Of Thunder and Lightning WHen an Exhalation hot and dry mixt with moysture is attracted into the middle Region and there inclosed in the body of a cloud now these two contraries thus included in one place together fall at variance and cannot bee reconciled but breake the prison wherein they are pent the violent out-rushing whereof maketh a noyse which wee call thunder and the fire lightning being both borne at one instant although the lightning bee the first perceiued in regard of the quicknesse of the eye before the eare Of the strange effects of Lightning THat which is dry burneth not at all that wich is moyst burneth not likewise but blasts and altereth the colour but that which is cleare is of a strange operation for it draweth vessels dry without hurting the Caske melteth the siluer without hurting the bagge breaketh the bones and hurteth not the skinne killeth the childe in the wombe without hurt to the mother It hurteth not the Law●ell tree entreth not aboue a yard into the earth such as are shadowed with the skins of Seales Sea calue● and the Eagle are safe as Pliny stories it The Auntient Aegyptians which were the first and best Astronomers haue obserued certaine yeares in a mans life to bee verie dangerous and these they name Clymacterical or stayry yeares Now a Clymactericall yeare is euery seuenth yeare of a mans life the reason is because then the course of the Planets returne to Saturne who most commonly is ●n enemy to our good and as the Moone which is the nearest and next Planet vnto vs and swiftest of course of all other passeth almost euerie seuenth day into the contrary signe of the same qualitie from whence shee came forth and so by that meanes bringeth in the Criticall dayes so Saturne which is the Planet furthest from vs and slowest of course for hee resteth in one signe so many yeares as the Moone doth dayes bringeth in likewise these Clymactericall yeares and causeth sundry mutations to follow hence it is that in the seuenth yeare children doe cast and renue their teeth Hereafter followeth certaine Clymactericall and dangerous yeares of a Mans life TThe 49. yeare composed of seuen times seuen dangerous 56. yeare to men especially borne in the night 63. yeares to those borne in the day time by reason of the drynesse of Mercurie and Venus Whereunto Octavius the Emperor seemeth to con●ent whereto this effect hee writeth to his Nephew to reioyce with him hauing passed ouer that deadly yeare enemy to old age 63 in which number the 7 and 9 do concurre as Heffman to that purpose more largely in his Booke De diebus an●nis Criticis reciteth The Criticall Dayes of a Mans life being collected throughout e●erie mo●eth are obserued these following 1 and 7 of Ianuary 2 and 4 of Frebruary 1 and 4 of March. 8 and 10 of Aprill 3 and 7 of May 10 and 15 of Iune 10 and 13 of Iuly 1 and 2 of August 3 and 30 of September 3 and ●0 of October 3 and 5 of Nouember 7 and 10 of December There are likewise in the year●more especially to be obserued 3 dangerous Mundayes to begin any businesse fall sicke or vndertake any iourney First Munday in Aprill which day Caine was borne and his brother Abel slaine Second Munday in August which day Sodom and Gommorrah were destroyed 31 Of December which day Iudas was borne that betrayed Christ. Of the 4. humors in mans body and how they raigne in their courses and first What a Humor is A Humour is a Distillation of a moyst and running body into which by the Limbecke of the liuer the meates are conuerted and diffused through the veynes and Alleys of the same for the better nourishmeut therof and are thus according to Lemnius described in his Booke De quatuor Complectionibus 1 Sanguine humor The bloud or sanguine humour is moyst and ruddy and hot the principall seate or cesterne thereof is the Liuer or Amwell head that watereth the whole Citie or body of man out of which issue forth the vitall spirits like vnto small and gentle winds that arise out of riuers and fountaines 2 Flegmaticke Humour The Phlegmaticke humour is of colour white and brackish and like vnto drops of fat his seate is chiefly in the kidneyes which separate to themselues the water from the bloud diuiding the bloud into the veines and expelling the water into vrine 3 Choller It is hote and fiery and to the taste bitter● like vnto Herbgrace or Rue and it serueth not onely to clense the guts of filth but also to califie the Liuer and to preserue the blood from putrifaction 4. Melancholy The Melancholy Humor is blacke and earthly resembling the lees of blood and hath his seate in the splene of which one thus writeth The Sanguine causeth cheerefulnes The Melancholy despaire The Collericke is churlish The Phlegmaticke is faire Euery one of these Humours raigne 6. howers blood is predominant from 9 of the clocke at night till 3 of the morning Choller from 3 of the clocke in the morning till nine of the same day Melancholly from nine till three in the afternoone and Phlegme from three in the afternoone till nine at night Also bloud hath his dominion in the Spring Choller in the Summer Melancholy in Autumne and Phlegm in Winter as Lemnius thus further in his sayd Booke testifieth Hereunto are annexed certaine verses describing the person and qualitie of that childe of Chase or Lady PECVNIA written long since by that Gentleman of quality I.T. and as something pertinent to our purpose hereinto inserted SHee is a Lady of most matchlesse carriage Wedded to none though saught of all in marriage Shee may be kistt yet neither washt nar clipt And if you wooe not warie soone ore-slipt Shee may belong and yet bee honest too To many Marchants spight they all cā do Who ere atchieues her speake her nore so fayre She le not stay long before she take the aire She le stay with no poore man her states so great A rich man may her for a time entreate Shee goes in cloth of siluer cloth of golde Off●uer all worths and values manif●lde But whē she goes in golden robes best d●●bt Then shee 's suspected most to be most light Shee needs no Physicke to recouer health For she 's still currant as rich in wel●h Some Irish Lady borne we may suppose Because shee runs so fast and neuer goes If shee be wrong'd in name and ill abide it Of all men Iustice Touchstone must decide it Shee that thus does and all doe thus to gaine her Being so atchieu'd shee is but slipperie bolde And will be gone vnlesse by force you straine her Changing her humour to another mould By pence and halfe pence and such little crummes Which of themselues so