to Catechize himself about There must be Light in the Head that is of absolute necessity though it be not sufficient for there must be also Grace in the Heart to qualifie a man for the Lords Supper 2. The Communicant should further examine and ask himself this question Do I apprehend the danger of unworthy Receiving Is not the guilt of Blood heavy And what is it then to be guilty of the Blood of God But if I Eat and Drink unworthily I am guilty of the Body and Blood of the Lord 1 Cor. 11. 27. What a fearful thing is it to Crucifie the Son of God afresh To trample him under Foot and to esteem his Blood a common and an unholy thing My Heart rises against the Jews because they Mocked Scourged Buffeted Crucified the Lord of Life and Glory but this they did in his Humiliation here upon Earth And shall I dare to put an affront upon him now he is at the right Hand of the Almighty Majesty on High If I Eat and Drink unworthily I pull the Blood of Christ upon my Head instead of having my sin pardoned and my Heart cleansed and sanctified by it and I Eat and Drink my own damnation 3. Another question the Communicant should propound to himself is this Have I a right conception of Gospel Worthiness The Worthiness spoken of in the Gospel does not imply any Merit or Desert for Christ the Son is given out of the Transcendent Love of God and with him freely all things Rom. 8. 32. The Patriarch Jacob Acknowledged he could not lay claim to the least of all Mercies as a due debt Our daily Bread is a Gift and how much more the Bread of Life Worthiness therefore is as much as being disposed and made meet to Receive what the Lord in the Supper is willing to bestow When we are sensible of our own unworthiness and guilt and vileness then we are made meet to be accepted looking unto the Beloved and to be Justified by his Meritorious Righteousness When we are sensible how weak and empty and distempered our Hearts are then we are Worthy that is to say made meet to be strengthened and filled and healed by the great Physitian of Souls in whom it hath pleased the Father all fulness should dwell 4. The Communicant should ask himself Do I look upon admission to the Table of the Lord as a mighty priviledge He was no less then a King of Israel who thought it a great favour to be a doorkeeper in the House of God and what is it then to be a welcom guest at his Table What is it to be brought into his Banquetting House where the Banner over his People is love Cant. 2. 4. Our Lord in this Ordinance deals forth Light and Grace and Comfort bountifully Here Tears have been dried up fainting Souls have been revived and Faith ready to fail hath been strengthned and languishing Hope hath been made lively The Blood of Jesus Christ being applied has proved a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 medicine for every malady and hath sent away the sin distressed Soul both clean and calm both pure and also peaceable Is it not a mighty advantage and an Heart effecting and endearing sight to see the Blood and the Love of Christ streaming forth together Here is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Love that passeth knowledge Eph. 3. 19. Oh with what confidence may humble and hungry souls go to this Jesus who is so full of Love and so full of all besides which they Hunger after he would have none to content themselves with a little but his language is Eat O Friends Drink yea Drink abundantly O Beloved Cant. 5. 1. 5. The Communicant should ask himself Do I know what it is to discern the Lords Body 1 Cor. 11. 29. My bodily Eye beholds the Sacramental Bread and Wine but have I an Eye to behold something further and better If the Israelites in the Wilderness did behold an Healer and a Saviour when Moses lifted up the Brazen Serpent if the Beleivers under the Old Testament did see a Messiah in the legal sacrifices though as yet he was not manifested in the Flesh surely since the Son of God is come and has been actually offered up to bear the sins of many shall I not behold this Jesus in the Bread and Wine broken and poured out where he is so evidently set forth as Crucified What is it to discern the Lords Body Verily 't is to look beyond the outward Elements to the Body and Blood of Christ which thereby are represented and to relye upon that very Jesus who was Crucified without the Gates at Jerusalem for the Pardon and Mortification of our iniquities in particular and that our wants of Grace and Strength and Comfort may be supplyed out of his superabundant fulness Moreover the Beleiver should grow confident and be perswaded that as really as the Bread and Wine are given him so really Christ bestowes himself and his benefits upon him in this Blessed Ordinance Hark to the Apostle 1 Cor. 10. 16 The cup of Blessing which we bless is it not the Communion of the Blood of Christ The Bread which we brake is it not the communion of the Body of Christ The Communicant should ask himself Do I see my self lost in my self and do I perceive 't is in vain to hope for Redemption any other way but by the Lord Jesus The Apostle has a notable expression when he speaks of being shut up unto Faith Gal. 3. 23. Intimating that all other doors are shut against the Sinner only the door of Faith in Jesus Christ is open We cannot reasonably hope for the Forgiveness of sin or Justification before God any other way but by him who is sufficient to be a propitiation for the sins of the whole World There were multitudes of sacrifices under the old Law which were appointed by the Lord him self and yet the sins of the Sacrificers could be done away by none of them The Apostle tells us plainly that 't is impossible the Blood of Bulls and Goats should take away sin Heb. 10. 4. And if the sacrifices that were of Divine institution could not do it surely those of humane invention could do it lesse though never so costly though we should give our first Born for our Transgression the Fruit of our Body for the sin of our Soul Mic. 6. 7. No active Obedience that we can yeild can justifie us before God for the Apostle peremptorily asserts that there is no Law given which can give Life unto him that obeys it Gal. 3. 21. Nay further our greatest sufferings for Righteousness sake are insufficient to be our justifying Righteousness Therefore those who come out of great Tribulation are said to have washed their Robes not in their own Blood though that was spilt for the Word of God and the Testimony of Jesus Christ but in the Blood of the Lamb Rev. 7. 14. 7. The Communicant should examine and ask himself Am I perswaded
so let him eat of that bread and drink of that cup. For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily eateth and drinketh judgment to himself not discerning the Lords body We ought to prove our Spiritual state and examine our proficiency and eye the present frame of our hearts And though upon trial we cannot absolutely say we have grace yet if there be no black and apparent marks of unregeneracy and only probable signs of our being sanctified yet we ought to come to the Table that our Faith may be strengthned the work of sanctification carried on and our selves in that sealing Ordinance sealed unto the day of redemption Are we willing that every sin should die Are we willing that the world should be thrown out of the highest room in our hearts Are we willing to receive Christ and all the benefits he gives forth in this Ordinance Are we willing to resign and render our souls and all that is within us even our whole man to him If we can answer in the affirmative to all upon our coming to the Table we shall be made welcome whatever an unbelieving heart may fear and suggest to the contrary 2. We ought to prove our selves before solemn prayer and humiliation In solemn supplication Solomon speaks of it as necessary that every one should understand the plague of his own heart when he spreads forth his hands towards the house of God 1 King 8. 38. Now the heart must be examined what it ayls that the plague of it may be found out The Priest under the law was to look again and again upon the person suspected of leprosie The plagues of the heart lie deep many times and are not easily discerned there must be the more heedful examination And as we are to find out the plagues of our hearts so all our wants and weaknesses and all are to be spread before the God of all grace who can because most high perform all things for us and cure every malady and supply all our needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus 3. We ought to prove our selves after falls though believers shall never fall from a state of grace yet they may fall into several acts of sin And when their falls are more foul and scandalous their peace is broken The holy Spirit their Comforter being grieved their comfort and joy takes wings and flies away The guilt they contract fills them with fear and brings them under great bondage their evidences are blotted and their state seemsto be very questionable Now therefore it concerns them to prove themselves that they may find out the lurking corruption that betrayed them and that they may be sensible of the heinous nature and high aggravations of the sins they have committed that being truly humbled they may cry with fervency for pardon and cleansing and that the joy of Gods salvation may be restored David after he had defiled Bathsheba the Wife and murdered Vriah the Husband he renews the Search into himself he traces these filthy streams till he came to the fountain the original corruption of his nature he is sensible what an impure and deceitful heart he had and therefore cries out Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit within me Psal 51. 10. he found that his fall had fill'd him with anguish and very much enfeebled him therefore he prays Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation and uphold me with thy free Spirit v. 12. His sin stared him in the face and he begs that God would hide his face from it and withal he offers the acceptable sacrifice of a broken and contrite heart to him 4. We ought to prove our selves in the time of Spiritual desertion When God had withdrawn from the Psalmist and so far withdrawn as that he almost questioned whether ever he would return again and therefore cries out Will the Lord cast off for ever and will he be favourable no more then he communed with his own heart and his Spirit made diligent search Psal 77. 6 7. David enquires why his God had forsaken him and why he was so far from helping him and from the words of his roaring Psal 22. 1. and Job under desertion cries out why hast thou set me as a mark against thee so that I am a burthen to my self Job 7. 20. Spiritual desertions are very uncomfortable these are the hours wherein the powers of darkness buffet believers and unbelief and deadness and corruptions prevail Saints therefore should question themselves severely what they have been and done which has grieved and quenched the Blessed Spirit that they may lament their sin and loss and lament after God they are also to reflect upon former experiences of special kindness and call to remembrance their Songs in the night and the years of the right hand of the Most High and the consideration of Gods unchangeable love and his sure and everlasting Covenant should keep them from sinking into despondency Finally they are to observe the design of God in withdrawing and be the more humble distrustful of themselves depending on their beloved Lord and the more thankful and fruitful prizing the presence of God the more highly ever after 5. We ought to prove our selves in the time of affliction So says the Prophet Lam. 3. 39 40. Wherefore doth a living man complain a man for the punishment of his sins Let us search and try our ways and turn unto the Lord our God Conscience is many times awakened by affliction we should not hinder it from being busie and prying but hearken to it whatever it speaks to us Josephs Brethren made light of their cruelty towards their Brother for many years together But when they were in distress in Egypt then they lookt into themselves and they had a smart and stinging sence of their own unmercifulness and they cry out We are verily guilty concerning our Brother Affliction should cause us to consider our ways and though sins were palliated and excused before yet then we should acknowledge we are verily guilty When our sin hath found us out we should find that out and our Souls should be humbled within us and turn to him that smites us 6. We ought to prove our selves after our engaging in Ordinances 'T is good to examine before what we want and after what we have gained Ordinances are Talents and a vast improvement may be made of them if we are not wanting to our own interest Merchants that drive a Trade beyond the Seas when the Ships return they are careful to examine what is the produce of the ventures they send So should we in this Spiritual Trade we should ask our selves what we have gained And what is the produce of all our praying hearing fasting praising Whether we are such wise Merchants as to gain the Pearl of price Whether we thrive in grace and grow rich in faith rich in good works for this is to grow rich towards God And truely all the Silver
have Can I lay all that I have and my self too at his feet And not complement or dissemble with him when I say I and all is at his service Do I yeild my whole Heart my whole Man unto my Lord without any reserve As Christ gave himself for me and gave himself to me so am I perswaded that I cannot dispose of my self better or so well as to give up my self to Him O My Soul is any thing too much too good or good enough for Jesus Behold God in the Flesh in the Manger upon the Cross and in the Grave and if he condescendded obeyed and suffered and purchased so much for thee O Be perfect and intire in the resignation of thy self to him Thou readest of a Nonsuch Convert 2 King 23. 25. And that was Josiah Like unto him there was no King before him that turned unto the Lord with all his heart and with all his Soul and with all his might neither after him arose there any like him Surely 't is thy duty and Interest to write after this excellent pattern 16. The Communicant should ask himself Am I desirous to be faithful in Gods Covenant to the last Breath Do I count I obtain great mercy when I am made thus faithful Have I counted the cost of being a Disciple And is my love of the Lord and of Godliness greater then my fear of persecution Do I distrust my corrupt and timerous Nature and beg that my Lords Grace may be sufficient Look O My Soul as thy Head did unto the Joy that is set before thee and start not at the Cross which is the way to the Crown Persecution will sit thee for Heaven may speed thee thither Fear not men since the worst is the best they can do that is set thee by Death out of their reach and send thee to thy Fathers house and bosom Faint not at Troubles for these light afflictions which are but for a moment do work for persevering Saints a far more exceeding and Eternal weight of Glory 2 Cor. 4. 17. 17. The Communicant should Examine himself Am I taught of God to love my Brethren 1 Thess 4. 9. Bitterness and Wrath and Anger and all kinde of Malice is leaven that is to be purged out All that come to the Table should put on as the Elect of God Holy and Beloved Bowels of Mercies Kindness Humbleness of mind Meekness Long-Suffering Forbearing one another and Forgiving one another if any man have a quarrel against any as Christ forgave them so also should they do And above all these things they should put on Charity which is the Bond of Perfectness and the Peace of God should rule in their Hearts whereunto they are also called in one Body Col. 3. 12 13 14. 15. As there is a representation of the Body of Christ in this Ordinance of the Supper so there is some signification of the Love and Unity that ought to be in the Body Mystical that is to say the Church of Christ the Apostles Words are plain 1 Cor. 10. 17. For we being many are one Bread and one Body for we are all partakers of that one Bread You see how you are to prove your selves and what questions to propound to your own souls before you come to the Lords Table And if your Consciences can answer for you before God in the affirmative unto such questions as these You may without presumption conclude that you are the Children of God that you have a right to come to your Fathers Table and that the Bread of Life belongs to you In the Third place I am to direct you how you may prove and call your selves to an account every day that you may walk with the greater circumspection The God of Heaven is the Lord of Time he observes how our Time is husbanded whether well or ill and he can put a period to it when he pleases And if we did seriously observe what fills up our time so many days would not be spent and lost in sin and vanity It was an Heathen who said he had lost a day when a day passed without doing of good which shews he used to reflect upon the actions of every day whether they were Good or Evil. I would advise you much to observe your selves Never any more spend a day as if you were never to account for that day but remember what the Apostle Paul says Eph. 5. 16. See then that ye walk circumspectly not as fools but as wise Redeeming the Time And the Apostle Peter gives the like charge 1 Pet. 1. 17. Pass the time of your sojourning here in fear Towards the Evening of the day it will not be amiss to retire and laying aside other business to converse with thy self and ask thy self these or such like questions 1. Did I wake with God in the Morning and in his strength resolve to walk with God all this day long Every one of us should resemble David who said How precious are thy thoughts unto me O God! When I awake I am still with thee Psal 139. 17 18. The first Fruits of our Thoughts should be offered up unto God and if the first Fruit be Holy all the rest of our Thoughts are the more likely to be free from wickedness and vanity And as the soul should be lifted up to the Lord at the very first unlocking of the senses so there should be a resolving and forecasting how to please and glorifie him Every day we live the main end of our living should be minded and that is to honour that God who is our Maker Benefactour Saviour for off him and through him and to him are all things and to him belongs the Glory for ever Rom. 11. ult 2. Ask thy self Did I willingly leave my Bed that I might go to Prayer and search the Word of God And did I long for and enjoy Communion with God in these duties Many will leave their Beds most readily when they are to go a pleasant Journey or when they hope to drive on an advantagious bargain or when they are to put on their finest Clothes But how few do shake off sleep in a morning that they may go to the Throne of Grace where the truest both pleasure and profit is to be found David lookt up to Heaven assoon as his Eyes were open Psal 5. 3. My Voice shalt thou hear in the morning O Lord in the morning will I direct my prayer unto Thee and will look up Nay he says Psal 119. 147. I prevented the dawning of the Morning and cryed I hoped in thy Word Early Prayer and Searching of the Scripture is the way to obtain a blessing at the beginning of the day the influence of which may be perceived all the day after Communion with God in the morning may knit the Heart so fast to him as that no Temptation may be able to draw it away from him afterwards It was a pretty passage of Herbert Who read a Chapter when
if an Emperour should bid me take his Crown and Diadem or then if all the Kingdoms of the World and all the Glory of them were offered me When Christ offered up himself a Sacrifice unto God that he might put sin away how great was the Offering If all the Beasts in Earth the Fowls of the Air had been offered this offering could not have made Atonement for the sinner or for one sin Nay if all the Angels in Heaven had proffered themselves to be annihilated in case fallen man might be pardoned Neither would this have been sufficient satisfaction So that when Christ offered himself to God he offered more then all the World then millions of Worlds would amount unto And when the Lord Jesus bids me take him and feed upon this meat indeed this Bread of Life shall I refuse He that receives Christ how much does he recieve He does indeed receive all For Christ is all in all and filleth all in all MEDITATION XXXI Lift up your Heads O ye Gates and be ye lift up ye Everlasting Doors that the King of Glory may come in Who is this King of Glory The Lord Jesus is the Prince of Life the King and Lord of Glory Behold he stands at the door and knocks if any man hear his voice and open the door he will come into him and sup with him And when he comes and is admitted what entertainment does he bring Meat that perishes is contemptible in comparison Christ will give that Meat which endures to Everlasting Life His Love is better then Wine Nay his favour is better then life it self The Manna in the Wilderness was excellent food but many that Eat it perished But whoever by Faith do feed upon our Lord Jesus in reference to the second Death they become immortal This is the Bread which commeth down from Heaven that a Man may Eat thereof and not dy I am the Bread of Life which came down from Heaven if any man Eat of this Bread he shall live for ever and the Bread that I wil give is my Flesh which I will give for the Life of the World MEDITATION XXXII When an inheritance is conveyed to me by a sealed Deed the Nature of the wax is not changed but the use of it The Bread and Wine after the Sacramental blessing of them remain Bread and Wine still and so in Scripture they are called but their use is very much altered and they become Christs broad seal to convey to me and to assure me of the Remission of sin of the Renewing of my Nature and of Life and Immortality Let the Papists contend for a gross and carnal presence of the Body of Christ at his Table I am perswaded that as Circumcision is called the Covenant and the Lamb the Lords Passeover So the bread and wine are called the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus And yet I am also fully perswaded that though the Body of Christ is in Heaven yet he is most really present at the Table with them that do believe and such are nourished and strengthened in this Ordinance I learn from Scripture that Spiritual things are most firm most real most substantial most durable and if so then Christs spiritual presence is the most real presence Christ is absent where Transsubstantiation is believed and Romish Devotion and Adoration of the Host is turned into abominable Idolatry MEDITATION XXXIII Lord Thou art my Hope my Help my Saviour my Life my All Thou wouldst have me put thee on to cover my nakedness Thou wouldst have me take sanctuary under thy wings in all my dangers thou wouldst have me use thee as a Physician to cure all my spiritual maladies and when I am hungry and thirsty and my Soul faints within me thou hast enough to satisfie and fill me What one said concerning the Scripture I may apply to my blessed Lord. Adoro Christi plenitudinem I adore the fulness that is in Christ Jesus Draw neerer neerer O thou only Saviour thou deservest the highest the best nay all the room in my Heart thou oughtest to be the most welcom guest Let me have a clearer sight of thy transcendent loveliness a larger taste of thy incomparable sweetness let me clasp about thee and hold thee in more strict embraces Why should I be empty since in thee there is a fulness of the Spirit without stint or measure I would be poor in Spirit but why should I be poor in Grace since in thee there are unsearchable Riches MEDITATION XXXIV Bread is the staff of Life Lord I come to thy Table for support and strength Oh! Let the Bread of God strengthen me with strength in my Soul Let me find and feel the admirable vertue of the Broken Body that I may say from plentiful experience I this is meat indeed Let sin grow weaker and weaker and Mammons interest in me decline and languish but make me strong in Spirit and carry on the work of Faith with Power I have need of strength who have such a way to go and all up Hill who have so much work to do and such mighty Enemies to encounter and overcome My Life lies in believing in thee I stand no longer then Thou upholdest me Without thee I can do nothing or what is worse then nothing I can do nothing but sin and fall but if thou dost strengthen me I shall be able to do all things If thou withdraw from me I shall be weak as a Child unstable as the very Water but if thou dost confirm me by thy Grace I shall be like David nay like unto an Angel I shall fight the good fight of Faith and go on conquering and to conquer till I get the Crown MEDITATION XXXV How great was the breach which sin had made between God and Man that my Lord must be broken to make it up Could not something less have served the turn If Christ must die or sin must not be pardoned judg of the greatness of the fault by the greatness of the Sacrifice and Satisfaction What hath sin done It has filled Earth with troubles it has filled Hell with Souls it has turned Angels into Devils it has provoked the God of Heaven to great and Righteous indignation add unto all this It has killed Christ the Lord of Life He was wounded for our Transgression he was bruised for our iniquities Who would love who would like such an evil If my Father had been stabbed should I embrace the Murtherer or like the Dagger besmeared with his blood Oh hateful sin I 'le be revenged upon thee I will make no provision for thee I will lament because of thee I will detest and abhor thee I will be dead to thee and endeavour to mortifie and kill thee My Lord was not spared for thy sake and thou shalt not be spared Lord Away with these lusts all of them Crucifie them Crucifie them since Christ himself did bear my sins in his own Body on the Tree Oh let me be
dead to sin and live to Righteousness MEDITATION XXXVI Is the Cup of blessing at the Table the Communion of the Blood of Christ indeed How should my Soul and all that is within me bless the Lords Name when I take it into my hand My Lord does in effect say to me Here is the New Testament sealed and confirmed there is remission of all thy sins Here is sanctifying Grace here is an assurance of mine and my Fathers love here is a pledge and earnest of Glory and Immortality This Blood of Jesus is deservedly styled precious 't is the Blood of the Lamb without spot nay 't is the Blood of the Lord Jehovah To make light of this Blood as if it were an unholy or common thing is to deny the Lord that bought us and to bring upon our selves certain and swift destruction But whosoever by Faith applyes this Blood of Jesus shall find it sufficient to cleanse them from all unrighteousness MEDITATION XXXVII Dearest Lord How great is the vertue of that blood of thine which was shed upon the Cross without the gates of Jerusalem It can appease thy Fathers anger though provoked unto great fierceness it can remove the greatest guilt it can cure and cleanse the most leprous and defiled Soul it can heal the most wounded and enraged Conscience Oh blessed Laver where I may wash and be clean where I may bath and be eased Effectual medicine which heals every spiritual malady How wonderful was thy love which made thee shed thy blood how happy is thy Church for whom thy blood is shed Lord I love thee I rest upon thee I rejoyce in thee who hast loved thy People and washed them from their sins in thy own Blood and hast made them Kings and Priests unto God and thy Father who gavest thy self for thy Church that thou mightest sanctifie and cleanse it and present it to thy self a glorious Church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish MEDITATION XXXVIII Who shall lay any thing to the charge of Gods Elect It is God that justifieth Who is he that condemneth it is Christ that dyed This is my Answer unto the Accuser of the Brethren when he tells me of my manifold Transgressions All that he can truly lay to my charge I am ready to lay to my own nay I subscribe guilty to all that is down in the book of the Omniscient Gods remembrance but then I add Christ dyed Christ shed his Blood that sin might be pardoned and purged and I am willing to be cleansed as well as pardoned And if the Blood of Christ be enough to satisfie divine justice surely 't is sufficient to satisfie and quiet the most awakened Conscience I have indeed like a Sheep gon astray and turned to my own way but the Lord has laid on Christ all my iniquities he endured the chastisement of my peace he felt the stripes that I might be healed Hereby Satan is silenced my own desponding Spirit revived and encouraged and in the Name and Mediation of Jesus I can go unto God himself though he is so glorious in Righteousness and Holiness as a Child unto a Father MEDITATION XXXIX The Blood of Christ does speak and speaks better things then the Blood of Abel No voice more loud then that of Blood no blood does cry like that of God This blood does speak both to God and Me it speaks to God and what ever I pray for which I really need this blood cryes that I may obtain Blessings of all sorts were purchased by the shedding of it and it is continually pleading that what it purchased may be bestowed Hence is the efficacy of Prayer because what the belieuer prays for the blood of Christ speaks for How loud does it cry in Gods ears Lord pity and pardon the humbled and Believing Soul Heal and Comfort the Contrite and Broken hearted Oh give converting and Renewing Grace to all that do desire it Those that fear thy Wrath let them escape it Those that prize thy love love them freely and for ever Receive all returning sinners and take away all their iniquities Give Grace give Glory and no good thing withhold from them that seek thee in sincerity Thus the blood of Christ does intercede with God And the Lord having contrived the shedding of it on purpose that without any derogation from his Righteousness he might shew mercy to the Children of men certainly its intercession for mercy shall not be in vain MEDITATIONS XL. The blood of Christ does speak also to Me. And how good and comfortable are the words of it Soul be of good chear thy sins are forgiven thee thou hast destroyed thy self but in me is thy help and Salvation found God was angry with thee but I have appeased his Wrath. He whom thou wast ready to find a consuming Fire is become a God in Covenant nay a Father to thee That blood which was shed upon the Cross has made thy Peace though heretofore never so much a stranger never so great an Enemy Behold Hell lockt up thou shalt never fall into that place of Wo behold the way into the Holiest of all is open Thou hast liberty to come with boldness to the Throne of Grace and within a little while thou shalt have an abundant entrance into Glory Dear Lord What am I that blood and such blood as thine should be shed for me Why wast thou at such expence and cost for the Redemption and Salvation of such a Wretch such a Rebel Thou hast mercy because thou wilt have mercy thy exceeding rich and glorious Grace must be matter of a delightful transport and sweet astonishment to Eternity MEDITATION XLI My Lords love and kindness should thaw and melt my heart That God whom for so long a time I neither lov'd nor fear'd nor cared to be acquainted with but dishonoured and sinn'd against with so high an hand had he indeed purposes of Grace towards me from Eternity That Jesus whom I shut and barr'd the door of my Heart so fast against whose word I was deaf unto and whose Spirit I resisted for so long a time has He indeed born my sins and carried my sorrows Oh that my head were Waters and my eyes Fountains of Tears Oh stony Heart for shame now become like wax and be melted in the midst of my Bowels I am a prodigy of unkindness wo is me that I have sinned Wo is me that I who have sinn'd so much do grieve no more Surely all my days I will walk softly in the bitterness of my Soul I will be vile in my own eyes and wonder that the Lord should have respect to such an one as I My own sin and my Lords Love shall be my Study I will compare them together that sin may be lamented and loathed according to the desert of it and that my Repentance may be indeed Evangelical and after a godly manner MEDITATION XLII O my Soul if thy