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constant_a and_o devout_a intercourse_n with_o he_o through_o a_o mediator_n and_o love_v to_o man_n inflame_v by_o the_o peculiar_a motive_n the_o gospel_n present_v and_o express_v itself_o in_o the_o most_o affectionate_a and_o â—â—alous_a endeavour_n to_o do_v they_o the_o great_a and_o most_o last_a good_a be_v the_o very_a constitution_n and_o frame_n of_o his_o renew_a nature_n and_o the_o daily_a pulse_n and_o breath_n of_o his_o soul_n o_o with_o what_o attractive_a glory_n will_v practicat_v christianity_n shine_v and_o render_v the_o christian_a church_n a_o fair_a model_n of_o the_o heavenly_a society_n be_v such_o instance_n of_o its_o admirable_a sanctify_a influence_n as_o common_a as_o those_o votary_n it_o have_v gain_v from_o custom_n and_o interest_n but_o i_o will_v especial_o propose_v his_o life_n as_o a_o copy_n for_o those_o of_o his_o own_o profession_n to_o write_v after_o they_o may_v from_o he_o learn_v that_o those_o only_o be_v fit_a
i_o first_o on_o his_o crupper_n and_o erelong_o on_o the_o ground_n yet_o only_o tear_v my_o clothes_n among_o the_o tree_n and_o bush_n i_o be_v force_v to_o walk_v back_o to_o coz._n farrington_n in_o the_o heat_n which_o turn_v my_o expect_a cold_a into_o a_o violent_a sweat_n i_o desire_v thankful_o to_o remember_v that_o preservation_n in_o such_o apparent_a danger_n and_o to_o be_v sensible_a of_o god_n good_a providence_n as_o oft_o as_o i_o ride_v and_o no_o such_o danger_n appear_v and_o to_o be_v still_o as_o careful_a to_o perform_v as_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o resolve_v and_o vow_n hackney_n apr._n 22._o 1672._o scorbutic_a pain_n and_o melancholy_a fume_n much_o discompose_v i_o though_o i_o have_v no_o more_o ague-fits_a etc._n etc._n yet_o they_o be_v not_o so_o much_o my_o trouble_n as_o the_o disease_n of_o my_o soul_n my_o prayer_n be_v for_o more_o grace_n that_o i_o may_v not_o relapse_n but_o grow_v myself_o and_o make_v other_o also_o more_o holy_a that_o my_o charity_n may_v be_v great_a the_o defect_n thereof_o pardon_v that_o my_o own_o sin_n may_v lie_v heavy_a and_o affliction_n light_a vre_n seca_fw-la domine_fw-la modo_fw-la non_fw-la in_o aeternum_fw-la july_n 26._o 1672._o melancholy_n fume_n exceed_o disturb_v and_o unsit_v my_o mind_n for_o any_o service_n i_o doubt_v i_o shall_v live_v useless_a and_o apprehend_v god_n be_v take_v the_o forfeiture_n of_o those_o part_n and_o ability_n i_o have_v abuse_v i_o pray_v for_o health_n and_o power_n and_o opportunity_n to_o serve_v god_n and_o be_v useful_a to_o man_n vouch_v the_o sincerity_n of_o my_o heart_n yet_o present_o retract_v have_v find_v it_o so_o deceitful_a and_o beseech_v mercy_n and_o help_n for_o my_o saviour_n sake_n though_o urge_v and_o on_o some_o account_n dispose_v to_o marry_v i_o choose_v rather_o to_o continue_v single_a because_o i_o fear_v such_o a_o change_n will_v rather_o hinder_v god_n cheerful_a faithful_a service_n i_o shall_v have_v less_o time_n less_o money_n for_o good_a uses_n and_o not_o be_v in_o a_o capacity_n to_o embrace_v some_o mean_a opportunity_n of_o serve_v god_n in_o public_a like_o what_o some_o have_v who_o can_v not_o go_v far_o than_o myself_o i_o appeal_v to_o god_n beg_v his_o blessing_n according_a as_o i_o hope_v to_o the_o uprightness_n of_o my_o heart_n decem._n 30._o 1672._o i_o be_v i_o hope_v true_o desirous_a of_o be_v useful_a and_o endeavour_v by_o several_a way_n to_o help_v our_o own_o family_n towards_o heaven_n i_o be_v sensible_a of_o the_o duty_n and_o comfort_n thereof_o and_o be_v excite_v by_o what_o i_o hear_v of_o bishop_n wilkins_n from_o such_o as_o visit_v he_o when_o he_o be_v enter_v on_o eternity_n he_o have_v no_o anxious_a thought_n about_o his_o everlasting_a condition_n which_o as_o he_o say_v many_o other_o better_o than_o himself_o have_v he_o approve_v his_o own_o moderation_n and_o the_o establishment_n of_o the_o church_n of_o england_n only_o wish_v some_o thing_n amend_v and_o the_o management_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o good_a and_o prudent_a men._n he_o regard_v not_o his_o universal_a character_n which_o have_v much_o impair_v his_o health_n but_o when_o speak_v to_o about_o a_o latin_a version_n of_o it_o desire_v not_o to_o be_v trouble_v about_o it_o profess_v his_o comfort_n and_o joy_n that_o since_o his_o promotion_n to_o chester_n he_o have_v encourage_v and_o further_v preach_v of_o christ_n my_o prayer_n be_v that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v negligent_a in_o my_o own_o sphere_n but_o act_n to_o the_o utmost_a of_o my_o power_n for_o my_o lord_n glory_n and_o my_o own_o comfort_n hackney_n march_n 24._o i_o be_v strange_o trouble_v on_o a_o small_a occasion_n a_o friend_n have_v some_o discourse_n of_o a_o good_a decease_a bishop_n s._n and_o it_o be_v judge_v expedient_a to_o make_v they_o public_a i_o deliver_v they_o to_o a_o bookseller_n who_o have_v print_v one_o without_o licence_n be_v afraid_a to_o sell_v it_o i_o be_v not_o concern_v however_o know_v the_o discourse_n inoffensive_a to_o my_o superior_n but_o i_o be_v quick_o trouble_v that_o i_o do_v not_o my_o own_o work_n nor_o as_o i_o will_v be_v do_v to_o publish_v what_o the_o worthy_a author_n have_v keep_v private_a and_o without_o their_o leave_n that_o have_v right_a to_o it_o as_o possible_o some_o have_v and_o occasion_v other_o to_o break_v the_o law_n in_o print_v without_o licence_n i_o endeavour_v to_o calm_v the_o storm_n but_o it_o rage_v the_o more_o till_o i_o can_v neither_o wake_v nor_o sleep_n talk_n nor_o cat_n in_o quiet_a nor_o be_v it_o lay_v till_o i_o take_v off_o and_o make_v away_o the_o impression_n and_o return_v my_o friend_n the_o other_o write_n i_o desire_v to_o learn_v how_o constant_o i_o depend_v on_o god_n and_o without_o his_o good_a providence_n shall_v daily_o break_v my_o peace_n and_o destroy_v myself_o and_o i_o resolve_v since_o so_o small_a a_o failure_n have_v cost_v i_o so_o dear_a i_o will_v be_v more_o watchful_a against_o all_o degree_n of_o sin_n and_o do_v nothing_o without_o more_o deliberation_n and_o prayer_n hackney_n april_n 10._o 1673._o by_o a_o letter_n from_o the_o lord_n drummond_n son_n to_o the_o earl_n of_o perth_n write_v at_o the_o request_n of_o my_o die_a friend_n mr._n patrick_n drummond_n i_o have_v some_o account_n of_o his_o last_o hour_n full_a of_o heavenly_a expression_n concern_v the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o of_o affectionate_a prayer_n for_o his_o friend_n and_o particular_o for_o myself_o which_o o_o lord_n answer_n about_o 18_o or_o 19_o year_n before_o the_o calamity_n of_o his_o country_n have_v drive_v he_o up_o to_o london_n where_o he_o be_v well_o entertain_v by_o my_o uncle_n bewley_n to_o teach_v his_o son_n i_o likewise_o be_v a_o with_o his_o care_n and_o he_o confident_o 〈◊〉_d i_o will_v study_v divinity_n and_o though_o my_o inclination_n and_o carriage_n afterward_o especial_o at_o cambridge_n 〈◊〉_d my_o friend_n and_o self_n judge_v he_o be_v mistake_v yet_o he_o persist_v in_o the_o same_o opinion_n and_o live_v to_o rejoice_v with_o myself_o in_o the_o event_n may_v my_o dear_a friend_n memory_n be_v sweet_a and_o useful_a as_o to_o myself_o so_o to_o his_o other_o friend_n and_o particular_o to_o that_o lord_n who_o savour_v i_o with_o this_o account_n my_o friend_n be_v wont_a to_o express_v a_o great_a honour_n for_o and_o hope_v of_o he_o especial_o for_o religion_n may_v he_o still_o exceed_v himself_o honour_n god_n and_o be_v useful_a in_o his_o country_n and_o do_v the_o more_o good_a because_o alas_o so_o many_o do_v none_o or_o worse_o o_o that_o god_n will_v change_v they_o and_o make_v more_o great_a person_n great_a and_o public_a blessing_n for_o our_o dear_a saviour_n sake_n hackney_n may_v 22._o 1673._o i_o have_v groan_v many_o day_n under_o great_a trouble_n of_o mind_n occasion_v at_o first_o by_o some_o discourse_n about_o sacrilege_n and_o a_o story_n of_o dr._n holdsworth_n who_o hear_v one_o express_v great_a hope_n of_o good_a from_o the_o long_a parliament_n he_o reply_v he_o will_v have_v none_o expect_v it_o since_o parliament_n so_o sacrilegious_o alienate_v church-land_n i_o think_v i_o have_v hear_v as_o much_o former_o without_o be_v concern_v but_o now_o i_o immediate_o apprehend_v if_o the_o alienation_n be_v sinful_a so_o be_v the_o detention_n and_o thence_o i_o may_v become_v guilty_a of_o sacrilege_n if_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v a_o estate_n take_v long_o since_o from_o the_o hospital_n of_o st._n bartholomew_n the_o less_o in_o smithfield_n buy_v by_o my_o father_n at_o above_o 20_o year_n purchase_v after_o divers_a precede_a alienation_n and_o leave_v by_o he_o after_o my_o mother_n life_n to_o i_o my_o terror_n increase_v by_o read_v about_o sacrilege_n the_o form_n of_o ancient_a dedication_n with_o curse_n etc._n etc._n afterward_o etc._n of_o his_o seâ—â—â—â—â—â—ion_n in_o â—â—ferâ—â—â—â—_n to_o this_o maâ—ter_n see_v afterward_o thence_o conscience_n run_v backward_o examine_v the_o material_a passage_n of_o my_o life_n rack_v i_o with_o torment_a scruple_n about_o matter_n of_o meum_fw-la &_o tuum_fw-la and_o sill_v i_o with_o frightful_a representation_n not_o only_o of_o my_o quondam_a cambridge_n sinful-folly_n but_o of_o my_o follow_a action_n for_o father_n and_o self_n in_o reference_n to_o the_o forementioned_a estate_n so_o that_o i_o be_v strange_o jealous_a i_o have_v some_o way_n do_v amiss_o though_o very_o confident_a that_o since_o my_o repent_v and_o restore_a 1661._o 12_o year_n before_o i_o have_v ever_o studious_o and_o scrupulous_o endeavour_v to_o do_v as_o i_o will_v be_v do_v unto_o nor_o can_v i_o six_o on_o any_o particular_a failure_n unless_o on_o sell_v two_o horse_n last_o year_n afterward_o year_n of_o this_o also_o afterward_o then_o i_o question_v whether_o my_o attempt_n to_o