Selected quad for the lemma: act_n
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A34315
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The old batchelour a comedy, as it is acted at the Theatre Royal, by Their Majesties servants / written by Mr. Congreve.
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Congreve, William, 1670-1729.
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1693
(1693)
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Wing C5863; ESTC R1182
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51,682
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70
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comfort lies in his impudence and Heaven be praised he has a considerable Portion Aside Bell. In short then I was informed of the opportunity of your absence by my Spy for Faith honest Isaac I have a long time designed thee this favour I knew Spin-text was to come by your direction But I laid a trap for him and procured his Habit in which I pais'd upon your Servants and was conducted hither I pretended a Fit of the Cholick to excuse my lying down upon your Bed hoping that when she heard of it her good Nature would bring her to administer Remedies for my Distemper You know what might have follow'd But like an uncivil Person you knock'd at the Door before your Wife was come to me Fond. Ha! This is Apocryphal I may chuse whether I will believe it or no. Bell. That you may Faith and I hope you wou'd believe a word on 't But I can't help telling the truth for my life Fond. How Would not you have me believe you say you Bell. No for then you must of consequence part with your Wife and there will be some hopes of having her upon the Publick then the encouragement of a separate maintenance Fond. No no for that matter when she and I part she 'll carry her separate-maintenance about her Laet. Ah cruel Dear how can you be so barbarous You 'll break my heart if you talk of parting Cries Fond. Ah dissembling Vermin Bell. How canst thou be so cruel Isaac Thou hast the Heart of a Mountain-Tyger By the faith of a sincere Sinner she 's innocent for me Go to him Madam fling your snowy Arms about his stubborn Neck bathe his relentless face in your salt trickling Tears So a few soft Words and a Kiss and the good Man melts See how kind Nature works and boils over in him She goes and hangs upon his neck and kisses him Bell kisses her hand behind Fondle-wife ' s back Laet. Indeed my Dear I was but just coming down stair when you knock'd at the door and the Maid told me Mr. Spin-text was ill of the Cholick upon our bed And won't you speak to me cruel Nykin Indeed I 'll die if you don 't Fond. Ah! No no I cannot speak my heart 's so full I have been a tender Husband a tender Yoke-fellow you know I have But thou hast been a faithless Dallilah and the Philistines have been upon thee Heh Art thou not vile and unclean Heh Speak Weeping Laet. No-h Sighing Fond. Oh that I could believe thee Laet. Oh my heart will break Seeming to faint Fond. Heh How No stay stay I will believe thee I will Pray bend her forward Sir Laet. Oh! Oh! Where is my â—â—ar Fond. Here here I do believe thee I won't believe my own Eyes Bell. For my part I am so charm'd with the Love of your Turtle to you that I 'll go and sollicite Matrimony with all my might and main Fond. Well well Sir as long as I believe'st 't is well enough No thanks to you Sir for her Vertue But I 'll show you the way out of my house if you please Come my Dear Nay I will believe thee I do Ifeck Bell. See the great Blessing of an easy Faith Opinion cannot err No Husband by his Wife can be deceiv'd See still is Vertuous if she 's so believ'd Exeunt ACT V. SCENE I. The Street Enter Bellmour in Fanatick Habit and Setter Bell. SEtter Well encounter'd Setter Joy of your Return Sir Have you made a good Voyage Or have you brought your own Lading back Bell. No I have brought nothing but Ballast back made a delicious Voyage Setter and might have rode at Anchor in the Port till this time but the Enemy surpriz'd us I wou'd unrig Setter I attend you Sir Heart-well and Lucy appear at Sylvia 's Door Bell. Ha! Is not that Heartwell at Sylvia's Door be gone quickly I 'll follow you I wou'd not be known Exit Setter Pox take 'em they stand just in my Way Heart I 'm impatient till it be done Lucy That may be without troubling your self to go again for your Brother's Chaplain Don't you see that stalking Form of Godliness Heart O Pox He 's a Fanatick Lucy An Executioner qualified to do your Business He has been lawfully ordain'd Heart I 'll pay him well if you 'll break the Matter to him Lucy I warrant you Do you go and prepare your Bride Ex. Heartw Bell. Humph Sits the Wind there What a lucky Rogue am I Oh what Sport will be here if I can persuade this Wench to Secresie Lucy Sir Reverend Sir Bell. Madam Discovers himself Lucy Now Goodness have Mercy upon me Mr. Bellmour Is it you Bell. Even What dost think Lucy Think That I shou'd not believe my Eyes and that you are not what you seem to be Bell. True But to convince thee who I am thou know'st my old Token Kisses her Lucy Nay Mr. Bellmour O Lard I believe you are a Parson in good earnest you kiss so devoutly Bell. Well Your Business with me Lucy Lucy I had none but through Mistake Bell. Which Mistake you must go thorough with Lucy Come I know the Intrigue between Heartwell and your Mistress and you mistook me for Tribulation Spin-text to marry ' em Ha Are not Matters in this posture Confess Come I 'll be faithful I will I-faith What Diffide in me Lucy Lucy Alas-a-day You and Mr. Vain-love between you have ruin'd my poor Mistress You have made a Gap in her Reputation And can you blame her if she stop it up with a Husband Bell. Well It is as I say Lucy Well It is then But you 'll be secret Bell. Phuh Secret ay And to be out of thy Debt I 'll trust thee with another Secret Your Mistress must not marry Heartwell Lucy Lucy How O Lord Bell. Nay don't be in Passion Lucy I 'll provide a fitter Husband for her Come Here 's Earnest of my good Intentions for thee too Let this mollisie Gives her Money Look you Heartwell is my Friend and tho' he be blind I must not see him fall into the Snare and unwittingly marry a Whore Lucy Whore I 'd have you know my Mistress scorns Bell. Nay nay Look you Lucy there are Whores of as good Quality But to the purpose if you will give me Leave to acquaint you with it Do you carry on the Mistake of me I 'll marry ' em Nay don't pause If you do I 'll spoil all I have some private Reasons for what I do which I 'll tell you within In the mean time I promise and rely upon me to help your Mistress to a Husband Nay and thee too Lucy Here 's my Hand I will with a fresh Assurance Gives her more Money Lucy Ah the Devil is not so cunning You know my easie Nature Well For once I 'll venture to serve you but if you do deceive me the Curse of all kind tender-hearted Women light upon you Bell. That 's as much as
's yours I hate you now Throws the Purse and I 'll never see you again 'cause you 'd have me be naught Going Heart Damn her let her go and a good riddance Yet so much Tenderness and Beauty and Honesty together is a Jewel Stay Silvia But then to Marry Why every Man plays the Fool once in his Life But to Marry is playing the Fool all ones Life long Silv. What did you call me for Heart I 'll give thee all I have And thou shalt live with me in every thing so like my Wife the World shall believe it Nay thou shalt think so thy self Only let me not think so Silv. No I 'll die before Ill be your Whore as well as I love you Heart Aside A Woman and Ignorant may be honest when 't is out of Obstinacy and Contradiction But S'death it is but a may be and upon scurvy Terms Well farewell then if I can get out of her sight I may get the better of my self Silv. Well good buy Turns and Weeps Heart Ha! Nay come we 'll kiss at parting kisses her by Heaven she kisses sweeter than Liberty I will Marry thee There thou hast don 't all my Resolve melted in that Kiss one more Silv. But when Heart I 'm impatient till it be done I will not give my self liberty to think left I should cool I will about a Licence streight in the Evening expect me One Kiss more to confirm me mad so Exit Silv. Ha ha ha an old Fox trapt Enter Lucy Bless me you frighted me I thought he had been come again and had heard me Lucy Lord Madam I met your Lover in as much haste as if he had been going for a Midwife Silo. He 's going for a Parson Girl the forerunner of a Midwife some nine Months hence Well I find dissembling to our Sex is as natural as swimming to a Negro we may depend upon our skill to save us at a plunge though till then we never make the experiment But how hast thou succeeded Lucy As you would wish Since there is no reclaiming Vainlove I have found out a picque she has taken at him and have fram'd a Letter that makes her sue for Reconciliation sust I know that will do walk in and I 'le shew it you Come Madam your like to have a happy time on 't both your Love and Anger satisfied All that can charm our Sex conspire to please you That Woman sure enjoys a blessed Night Whom Love and Vengeance do at once delight Exeunt ACT IV. SCENE I. The Street Enter Bellmour in Fanatick habit Setter Bell T' Is pretty near the Hour Looking on his Watch. Well and how Setter hae does my Hypocrisy sit me hae Does it sit easy on me Setter O most religiously well Sir Bell. I wonder why all our young Fellows should glory in an opinion of Atheism when they may be so much more conveniently lew'd under the Coverlet of Religion Setter S'bud Sir away quickly there 's Fondlewife just turn'd the Corner and 's coming this way Bell. Gads so there he is he must not see me Exeunt Enter Fondlewife and Barnaby Fond. I say I will tarry at home Bar. But Sir Fond. Good lack I profess the Spirit of contradiction hath possess'd the Lad I say I will tarry at home Valet Bar. I have done Sir then farewell 500 Pound Fond. Ha how 's that Stay stay did you leave word say you with his Wife With Comfort her self Bar. I did and Comfort will send Tribulation hither as soon as ever he comes home I could have brought young Mr. Prig to have kept my Mistress Company in the mean time but you say Fond. How how say Varlet I say let him not come near my Doors I say he is a wanton young Levite and pampereth himself up with Dainties that he may look lovely in the Eyes of Women Sincerely I am afraid he hath already defiled the Tabernacle of our Sister Comfort while her good Husband is deluded by his Godly appearance I say that even Lust doth sparkle in his Eyes and glow upon his Cheeks and that I would as soon trust my Wife with a Lords high-fed Chaplain Bar. Sir the Howr draus nigh And nothing will be done there till you come Fond. And nothing can be done here till I go So that I 'le tarry d' ee see Bar. And run the hazard to lose your affair so Fond. Good lack good lack I profess it is a very sufficient vexation for a Man to have a handsome Wife Bar. Never Sir but when the Man is an insufficient Husband 'T is then indeed like the vanity of taking a fine House and yet be forced to let Lodgings to help pay the Rent Fond. I profess a very apt Comparison Varlet Go in and bid my Cocky come out to me I will give her some instructions I will reason with her before I go Exit Barnaby And in the mean time I will reason with my self Tell me Isaac why art th' Jealous Why art thee distrustful of the Wife of thy Bosom Because she is young and vigorous and I am Old and impotent Then why didst thee marry Isaac Because she was beautiful and temping and because I was obstinate and doating so that my inclination was and is still greater than my power And will not that which tempted thee also tempt others who will tempt her Isaac I fear it much But does not thy Wife love thee nay doat upon thee Yes Why then Ay but to say truth She 's fonder of me than she has reason to be and in the way of Trade we still suspect the smoothest Dealers of the deepest designs And that she has some designs deeper than thou canst reach th' hast experimented Isaac But Mum. Enter Laetitia Laet. I hope my dearest Jewel is not going to leave me Are you Nykin Fond. Wife Have you throughly consider'd how detestable how halnous and how Crying a Sin the Sin of Adultery is have you weigh'd it I say For it is a very weighty Sin and although it may lie heavy upon thee yet thy Husband must also bear his part For thy iniquity will fall upon his Head Laet. Bless me what means my Dear Fond. Aside I profess she has an alluring Eye I am doubtfull whether I shall trust her even with Tribulation himself Speak I say have you consider'd what it is to Cuckold your Husband Laet. Aside I 'me amaz'd sure he has discover'd nothing Who has wrong'd me to my Dearest I hope my Jewel does not think that ever I had any such thing in my Head or ever will have Fond. No no I tell you I shall have it in my Head You will have it some where else Laet. Aside I know not what to think But i 'me resolv'd to find the meaning of it Unkind Dear Was if for this you sent to call me is it not affliction enough that you are to leave me but you must study to encrease it by unjust suspicions Crying Well Well